As I get older, I have come to understand many things about the male Psyche. The male mind is intriguing and at times complex. Sometimes men are able to compartmentalize areas of their lives. A man can love the woman in his life, manage a business, provide for his family, be a leader in the community, be a great brother, uncle, father and friend. However, that does not guarantee that he won’t get distracted. Respectable gentlemen are committed to the woman in their lives regardless of distractions. But even the the most committed gentlemen can have difficulty when he runs across that one woman who is unforgettable.
My grandmother had conversations with me when I was young. She also had conversations with my mom about me. The day that I was born, she looked into my eyes told my mother that one day I would drive men crazy. My grandmother and my mother taught me how to be a respectable woman. My grandmother also told me about the women in our family and how we seemed to have a “generational challenge” of men becoming overly obsessed with us. She warned us to be careful and mindful of our relationships and to stay discreet and save ourselves for marriage. She elaborated on the days when she was a young woman and how just walking into a room would captivate the unsuspecting gentleman who suddenly found himself magnetically drawn to her presence from just one glance. She wanted me to understand that my presence alone, and without any communication at all could be life-changing to some men. She tried to instill in me to never underestimate my influence and power, no matter how small or great. The way that a woman looks and walks, the calm and gentle way that she speaks, the slight way that she tosses her hair, and even the way that her perfume euphorically intoxicates any man who walks in her path, shows that a woman can overwhelm a man without even knowing it.
I have found a strange phenomenon that the older I get the more unexpected propositions, inquiries, proposals and attention seem to come from gentlemen from all walks of life. I’m not the kind of woman who seeks or needs any type of attention. I am a low-maintenance woman who is independent mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. Yet, I find myself wondering why I receive so many communications that demand my attention and inquiry. Some gentlemen say that they saw me at an event, or they enjoyed the music I provided at a venue and was affected deeply by what they experienced. Some say they are daily addicted to reading the posts on our Notes of Inspiration website.
It is an honor to serve and it is wonderful when people appreciate your work and talents. However, I must get adjusted to appreciation from others, especially gentlemen. I spend a lot of time preparing for and working on one project or another in literature, music production, TV production and other things and I love working with people and I love working alone. But I’m not always prepared for some of the compliments, appreciations, or expresstions that I get, whether in text messages, emails, phone calls or in person. When it comes to the appreciation from gentlemen, I am not sure exactly what aspect of my life they are appreciating. I don’t always know if it’s my God-given gifts, the literary work, the music, my mannerisms, my voice, my personality or even my appearance. All I know is that there have been many instances that some gentlemen stated that I am “that one woman” who has become their quest or obsession and that it was all my fault. I’m not quite sure why they think any of this is any of my fault but I pay attention and try to remain cautious and professional at all times.
When men take the time to call, text, email, write letters, visit, send flowers and they do this consistently, it usually is somewhat serious. I would like to know the specifics in why the communication is ongoing and why they cannot seem to concentrate or function normally. Some say that my voice is addictive. Some say other aspects of my life are addictive, even from a far. Regardless of the reasons, I do understand what my grandmother meant when she had those conversations with me. There is no measured beginning or ending to a woman’s influence and power over a man, even if she is not initiating it. I wish that my grandmother was still alive today so that I could ask her more questions.
Either way, I choose to remain a respectable woman by carrying myself in the sophisticated manner that I was taught. I also understand that I should not use any power or influence that I may have to take advantage of gentlemen and if I find that they are already in a relationship, I make it my point to respect that relationship and require that they do the same.
I have also learned from the role model women in my life to gently “put gentlemen in their places” if they should “cross the line.” I am not interested in other women’s men. I will decide who and when I will entertain the company of a gentleman and he will definitely be my very own. I am still young enough to marry again should I choose to. Right now I am enjoying the freedom of dating who ever I choose to date and I am very selective in whom I keep company with and who I allow in my circle. I am happy being a busy single professional woman. It feels great to be appreciated but I will not take my influential power lightly. I do realize just how strong this power is that I have as a woman. It empowers me to stay in control of the dynamics of my relationships in inspiring and wonderful ways. I would that women everywhere tap into that power and not use it like a weapon against their significant other, but to use it as a tool to protect them from making the wrong choices and to enhance their relationships. I am only an advocate for using this power appropriately. The old saying of “Never underestimate the power of a woman” is absolutely valid. Women who have that “special something” and who have a presence that leaves an everlasting impression on men should take themselves very seriously and walk in integrity at all times.
“Ladies, you will leave an everlasting impression. But make sure you use your power appropriately” Patrice Tankard