NOTES OF INSPIRATION

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31: 10-11

I cannot count the numerous times that I have heard single women speak of their need to be married.  Sitting in on conversations in women groups and sessions that involve women issues has taught me a lot. It has given me a chance to think and evaluate the concept of women who really want a husband. However, at the same time, I know a lot of single women who may not quite fit the description of the woman in this scripture. Some of them are not virtuous and many of them could not be trusted with the heart of their husband if they had one, yet and still they crave the right to be called “wife”.  It begs the question of how some men struggle with finding the right kind of woman for a wife. Who can find a virtuous woman? It leaves me to believe that finding a virtuous woman is a monumental task and women of that caliber are probably scarce.  Women should ask themselves if they are virtuous and examine to see if they are ready to take on the “ministry” of being  good wife, because that is exactly what it is, a ministry.  Men are looking for someone to trust and share their heart to.  A virtuous woman is chaste and morally excellent. A man craves and desires to trust a woman to love, cherish and nurture. He wants to trust that she will bring him no harm or shame and that she will love him and celebrate him intensely.  He wants to deeply love her and know that she loves him and is loyal to him always. A man needs a lot of attention and desires to be the “rock of a woman’s world.”  Women who want to be married should understand that being virtuous is strong standing and it is the driving force along with the help of God to a foundation of success in this type of relationship. Ladies, be encouraged today to examine yourselves and prepare for such a wonderful institution. If you are a woman and you are already married, continue on and encourage other women to be morally excellent. Women of this character are magnificent jewels, and that is why  good men are looking for them. Are you a jewel?

When I saw this post, I became somewhat disturbed in my mind and heart. This can be such a serious issue. I have seen this time and time again. I’m not sure how much aware men are to this possibility, but I can say that it does exist. I know women who are totally committed in their relationships to their gentlemen. However, I have also seen gentlemen make unwise decisions toward their ladies that would cause concern or disruption in the relationship. When this happens, unfortunately it opens up a door for another gentlemen who may discern that the lady is distraught, upset, or unsettled because of something going wrong in the relationship. Women are vulnerable when mistreatment, disruption or other challenges occur. They look for a solution or at least closure with the gentleman that they are committed to. When another gentleman comes along to provide compliments, loving support, a lending ear or other things, it can cause temptation to rise.  A totally committed woman should not let her guard down to such things. However, some gentleman can see trouble in that woman’s heart and may  pursue opportunities to make her smile. Gentlemen, do not give another man an opportunity to make your lady smile. Your lady’s smile is for you and you alone. Do all that you can in love and good intentions to keep her smiling at you outwardly and in her heart. She is more than worth the effort.

Gentlemen, you should be the one making her smile not another man!

Patrice Tankard

Gentlemen, remember to let her know how much you love her and think about her. ~Patrice

It is so important in this life to spend time with those who you love. While you can please take time out to tell them just how much you love them. It’s even better when you show them just how much you love them and care. That is my focus now more than ever. When you find someone who appreciates, celebrates and cherish you, that is priceless. Today I will stop taking life for granted and from this day forward I will spend time with those who I love and show them just how much I love them. I am needed. So are you.  Spend the time.

I believe that men are such an awesome species. God had an awesome plan when he created them. They have the ability to be great leaders in authority, awesome providers, fantastic fathers, spectacular husbands, and so forth. In my “Lady talk sessions” among women I hear women say all of the time that it is so hard to find a good man, especially one with great moral character. At times that may be true. However, for the men who are good and have all of these wondeful qualities I say to you, may God bless you, congratulations and please do keep up the good work! For the men who do not have these wonderful characteristics I say this: If you want to change, it is indeed possible. Don’t be intimidated by challenges or situations that may have catapulted things to lead you to not walk in ways of truth, love, compassion, integrity and leadership. Only the Lord can heal you in areas that may have affected you from childhood even to right now. The word of God has the power to change a life. Find a support group or pastor that you respect and can trust to help you in your effort for healing.  You are needed in our lives and community. You want to be the best that you can be and that is only possible with the help of the Lord. I believe in you! Go forth and succeed!

Patrice Tankard

Ephesians 5:25-33

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Today’s focus is about husbands loving their wives.  Men, in order for your relationship to be right with your wife, it has to be right with God first. It is understandable that the earlier part of this chapter speaks to wives and advises them to submit to their husbands. I will address that in an upcoming article on this site. But today it is important to be encouraged to know that loving your wife like Christ loves the church is an awesome responsibility. It involves more than just loving her. It involves gently leading her, guiding her, nurturing her, cherishing her, protecting her and the intentional ability to be willing to lay down your life for her. Your wife was created just for you and she was made to celebrate your gifts, personality, your anointing, your contributions to the world, your mind, your body, soul, spirit and the very essence of who you are as a man and her husband. As in the scripture above, Christ love the church “and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” So, in the same manner, a husband leads the wife, encourages her life with holiness, the washing of the word, with radiance and without spot or wrinkle. But the husband himself must first live holy before he can lead his wife to do so. A wife can really respect and submit to her husband more easily when she sees and experience her husband living right and blameless before her. Husbands, if you really want to experience intense and wonderful and willing submission and respect from your wives, be sure to do an inventory and make sure that you are living a life that is blameless, holy, and one that gives glory to God, while tenderly and lovingly leading your wife. The results will be intensely phenomenal and nothing short of magnificent!

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27, 28

The easiest thing for me to do while I was growing up was to be nice to someone who did not like me. I was the “happy-go-lucky” kid who would skip around and say hello to everyone I would run into. I loved everybody. I did not have any enemies that I knew about. It was easy to find something good in everyone. My happiness annoyed some people and they would say things like, “Patrice! Settle down! Why are you so happy all of the time? Why are jumping up and down? Get somewhere and sit down!” Instead of my feelings being hurt, I would joyfully find a seat while staring at them with a big grin. Then I would yell out, “Love you!”

However, after I became a woman, this skill was harder to master. There were times when I found myself not loving people. It was because they did terrible things to me. It was hard to love someone who disrespected my  marriage to my husband, which in turn disrespected my family. Then there were the “gossipers” to contend with. I found myself feeling the need to fight my own battles. I didn’t like the person that I had become. People’s negative actions were affecting me.  It was difficult to bless someone who had cursed me. It was even more difficult to do good to those who mistreated me.

I had to pray and pray hard! There was no way that I was going let this mess my life up. That little girl that I was years ago loved everyone in spite of. Finding a way back to that mindset took a lot of work. My heart needed a renewal and so did my mind. God did do it though. But I had to allow him to do it. Loving enemies is a skill and takes practice. “Pray and work at it daily” is my personal motto for this situation. It is easier now for me to love my enemies and the greatest joy that I get is to see the look on their faces when I love on them. It takes the wind right out of their sails to know that they can’t get to me anymore. That is a good feeling to me. As a woman I can still stare at my enemies with that same big and wide  grin and say, “Love you!”

Do you have anyone in your life who provides you with loyalty? Does that person also love you? If that is the case, then you are blessed beyond measure. There are some things that are more important than even having riches. I have found that life is not always easy and I am grateful for God’s love and protection in sustaining me. However, it certainly is wonderful to have someone here on earth that is “in my corner” as well.  There are days when I just need to listen to good advice, great counsel, and magnificent wisdom. On that same note, I also need to be able to confide and share my feelings with that person who I know that I can trust and who will keep my concerns confidential. If you have that kind of person in your life, you are doing better than most. I am grateful today to have this priceless gift in my life. I am eternally grateful for love and loyalty.

“If  you have someone who loves you and who is also loyal to you, then you are doing better than most.” ~Patrice Tankard

Back by popular demand! Gentlemen, at your request we are bringing back the article that you helped me to write in 2010. Thank you again for your efforts,  Patrice Tankard.

We will be surveying the input and insights of  gentlemen for Part II soon!

This article was written with the help, participation and input from  males on Face Book (www.facebook.com) and  from males who live in different locations of the world globally in 2010, and referenced  through “Notes of Inspiration” from the Desk of Patrice Tankard www.notesofinspiration.com.  Thank you for your insight on this topic.

What is it that men look  for in their soul mates or wives? What does a man need from a woman in terms of a relationship and the existence of a successful union between the two of them?  “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) This scripture in the word of God suggests a complete union of husband and wife and that they shall become one flesh in the process. However, while becoming one flesh, does that mean that the woman automatically knows what the man needs? What does a man need from his female soul mate in reference to his own existence while being one with her? The men who participated in this examination have a voice and have spoken from their hearts and souls on this exciting and exhilaration exploration and stream of consciousness of what they need and expect from their soul mates.

At the top of the list was the need for women to be understanding to their men. Several of my participants made it clear that a man needs for the woman to have flexibility in daily situations of life.  That flexibility makes it easier for men to function in whatever role that is in demand at the time. Along with understanding comes the need for respect. A man wants his woman to respect him for who he is. Some gentlemen emphasized that women who respect their men initiated positive foundation ground work for a more loving relationship in the days ahead. When a man feels respected he has the confidence to continually be who he is and his leadership skills are more enhanced. Many times women do not realize that they have a certain power with men. Being very understanding and respectful to the male soul mate can go a long way in the relationship later on down the road. Some gentlemen said that if their women provide wonderful and sweet respect, the women could get basically anything they wanted out of the men.

Love is a very important and needed aspect of the relationships discussed here. Several gentlemen have found that it is imperative that their soul mates love them deeply. The general consensus is that a man wants intimate love with his wife spiritually, mentally and physically. One gentleman expressed that he loves his wife and wants her love and he wants it intensely, frequently and deeply. He expressed the need to be with her mentally, spiritually and physically. It is understood by these gentlemen that it is their desire to feel loved and have their needs and desires accommodated by their wives. Some gentlemen, at the risk of sounding chauvenistic expressed they needed a wife’s support and presence on a consistent basis even in the home. Even though many women have careers and work outside of the home, some men do not mind it as long as the woman also takes care of the needs inside the home as well as the personal needs of the husband. However, this can initiate heated discussions because many women feel that the men should also share in chores, cooking and meeting the domestic needs of the home. Some men feel that they cannot discuss this issue with their working wives too much. After a few debates about equality and sharing the load of taking care of the home, many men give up discussing it, and unfortunately the whole issue of what the husband is needing from the wife gets “lost in the shuffle”.

One husband in particular has said these things to his wife concerning what he is looking for, “he said that it was important that his wife trust him and support his vision. He wanted her to understand and appreciate his committment to their relationship. This husband said it was important that his wife understood his need to be “in her world” on a consistent basis. The inimacy that they share ”in her world”  is not considered just an act of love alone. It is an oasis, a place of refuge, safety, acceptance, renewal, reviving, pleasure, closeness, sensuality and intensive and deep euphoria.

My Background

My father and mother were in ministry together for many years. They were married for over forty years and it was exciting to watch them work together in the game of life. My parents told me that they were married for seven years before having any children. During those seven years my mother learned a lot about my father and what he looked for and desired from her. My dad told me that he was quite satisfied with my mother when he married her. However, he was able to put the “icing on the cake” so to speak, when it came down to things like personal preferences. Since my mother loved my dad so much, she was more than willing to do everything to please him. When I was growing up, I remember things that I saw in their relationship that caught my attention and it still has an affect on me today. Even though my mother was 5′ 10″ in statue and my dad was about 4′ 10″, she had such a soft and feminine way of dealing with him. Somehow she managed to say the right things, gently gesture in just the right way, spoke softly and firmly with her voice in a way that melted the heart of my dad  into soft butter and the end result was that he walked around with his chest out, his head held high and feeling like a king. Before dad would come home from work, mom would remind us to keep our voices down and to try not to disturb dad when he was unwinding from a long day. When dad came home, we all greeted him with hugs and kisses. Soon after that my mother would do things like run his bath water, bring him his slippers and sometimes prepare to give him a pedicure. This is the atmosphere that I grew up in. This is what I was  used to seeing on a daily basis. My dad “scored many points” with my mom because he took the time to nourish my mom’s emotional needs. He realized that women sometimes have a deep need to be reassured and comforted in times of emotional turmoil. Somehow my dad kept my mom very happy attending to her in the areas of spiritual renewal, physical appreciation, being an outstanding provider and father and providing her with emotional nurturing.

We will continue to explore the mind and hearts of what is that men want. More to come.

 Patrice Tankard

“Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” Provebs 31:23

Most women will tell you that they would definitely prefer a man like the one mentioned in Proverbs 31:23. What a blessing it would be to have a husband with these qualities. Absolutely!  ~ Patrice

This scripture speaks of the virtuous woman and her wonderful attributes. But it also speaks about her husband. He is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. This means that the virtuous woman’s husband is a man who is honored, esteemed, adored, admired, favored and extremely respected in society. He may not be a perfect man, but he loves and honors God and people and is loyal, faithful and true to his wife. This man can measure up to any and all upstanding  men in the city no matter what their status is. The virtuous woman’s husband has a great reputation and others cannot “pin” him for mistreating others, cheating others, being disrespectul or being unfaithful to his wife. That is another reason why the virtuous woman can hold her head up high in her city and in society. Other women will not be able to whisper among themselves to say that her husband winked at them, made a pass at them or showed any interest in them. Men will admire the professionalism and masculinity of that husband and wonder what it is about that virtuous woman that keeps that husband loyal. This husband does not have low self esteem and does not seek out to gain approval from participating in any inappropriate activities and does not feel the need to seek out approval, acceptance or attention from other women. He is confident, God-fearing, resourceful, hardworking, a fantastic provider, father, mentor, a protector, a spiritual leader, well endowed in knowledge and wisdom, an awesome lover, strong but gentle, kind but firm and an all around real man. The virtuous woman is a woman to be respected and admired, but she is able to be that way because of God in her life and because of that magnificent husband who God blessed her with. Men, be encouraged today and be that real man. You are greater in the eyes of God and others and loved and appreciated more than you realize.